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Love Letter to Ken Lay

by Ailish M. Nic Phaidin
Brevard Technical Journal

My dearest Kenny,

I haven't seen you in such a long time. I've missed you. Seeing you the other day on television, stalking so stridently, so erectly, with your hands behind your back; so tall, so strong, made my heart race again. It raced all the way to the bank, particularly when I realized that you were safe once again with all those big burly men surrounding you and keeping you safe. Unfortunately, the bank was closed. But, tomorrow is yet another new beginning.

You will be glad to know that I finally made the silk purse out of the skin off the backs of the spineless morons who believed in us. It's worth its weightlessness in gold bullion.

One of the things I have always loved about you since our first sliding meeting in Aspen, that time you were hoodwinking Gray Davis, was your overwhelming sense of innovation. I didn't understand everything you were doing, or didn't say you were doing, but your alacrity at that time has convinced me. And the wee nugget you gave me to reserve a spot for us on the higher plateau brought some clarity to the mountain we were about to climb.

We girls just love your boundless energy, the cloudless sky under which you operate, your big bear hugs (we're glad you keep your back-slapping to the guys), and we simply adore the simplicity of the complex gifts you gave us. Mine is just lovely. I know that our little secret will always be just that: secret. You have opened me to so many important gifts in life. My silk purse overfloweth with the great and the grand in the good ol' U.S. of A. I just feel soooooooooo important.

I am in your debt for life because you have shown me another way forward. And forward I will go. You have shown me that there is a need for investors, the big and the small, in our industries, as opposed to crippling myself with debt burdens in the burgeoning - nay, bulging - property market. This is not entirely your fault or all your idea, but you certainly started the ball rolling. And boy, is it still rolling?

I'm now living in the Sunshine State - on the Space Coast, no less - and believe me, it's even lovelier than I had heard about. I need you here. There's so much space about the coast. There's talk here now about the need for private industry input into the space industry. Isn't it interesting that we've given so much of our space advantage, initiative, and expertise to the Russians, the Europeans, the Chinese, the Japanese, and even to the cash-strapped Indians, who, up the road, could give us a run for our money in say, 2007 or 2008!! And Kenny, my love, your imprint is all over the place.

Speaking of up the road, the Space Coast is simply flying - metaphorically, of course. Families and individuals and all sorts of investors are now furiously investing in the property market (sorry, my love, I'm all over the place).

As I see it, Kenny darling, your advice was spot on. In two to three years time, when incomes haven't risen (you'll never believe how cheap Florida is!!), and interest rates will hike and spike, many of the poor suckers will be snookered by the amounts of money they can't repay. You came just in time to stop them from investing any more in stocks. Don't you just love the timing of that handy old codger, Alan Greenspan? He's deflating inflation. Then I can invest all that lovely lolly you gave me in the property market, just as the poor toads of property investors are being declared bankrupt!! Double whammy, Kenny. We got them coming and we got them going. He! He! He!

Why they didn't adopt a group think model is simply beyond me. I sure hope they continue to sift through life after Reilly!

I know you'll find wiggle room in your upcoming trial. Try as I might, it's difficult to see you in an orange jump suit - just kidding. Maybe it will be a better match for your adorable blue eyes than the Hawaiian silk shirt you wore when we relieved the bank of a load to make a hefty deposit into the accounts of the burgeoning, nay bulging, various and varying bank accounts of your legal team. I could give you a few bucks now and again if you find yourself short here and there.

My darling Kenny, don't make the mistake of flip-flopping. Stick to your two main themes: I'm innocent, and I don't remember. Every day just look at the person in the mirror and remember that Professor Stephen Hawking has just announced that the black hole of space no longer exists. He flip-flopped and he lost the bet. Give yourself space. Bernie's ebbing and flowing in a tailspin over his minions (sorry, binions). He just didn't learn the first commandment when it comes to money! Silly boy.

Well my love, now that I have more time on my hands, I hope we can meet again on the slippery slopes of action packed bullying and selling.

With all my love, gratitude, supplication, mendacity, mediocrity, leadersup, worthiness, aggressiveness, assertiveness, willingness, deceitfulness, greed, gullibility, sincerity, and genuine pleasure,

Amenable Angelica

P.S. Don't take a leaf out of Martha's book. Keep your mouth shut and fight like hell and you'll live to love me a very long time. And Kenny dearest, be a darling and keep Linda away from the "Tonight Show" sharks. Fighting for liquidity! Huh! Darling, her annuities are reaching maturity much too quickly. Wouldn't you agree?? XXOO